Moms that want this look want this look for their daughters.
I wrote previously about parents poor hair care on their children. I believe this begin with the parent ( especially the mother). If a mother suffers from hair delusion what can she offer her daughter. Hair delusions include but are not limited to the belief that all length is good, any hair that looks good is good regardless of health, straight/loosely curled hair is superior to kinky/tightly curled hair, hair texture can prevent growth and oils moisturize.
The mothers seem oblivious to the fact that the heads of hair they covet are those of celebrities. A celebrity's appearance is part of their job, they have a TEAM devoted just to caring for and styling their hair. I don't expect my hair to look like that of natural celebrities for that reason. I don't have a team of stylist. If you don't have a team why should you look like them, relaxer or not.
I believe these women place this same pressure on their child, expecting them to look like the children on the relaxer boxes. The child doesn't have a team and in most cases not even a well informed parent. They bear your disappointment through demeaning words or caustic chemicals.
If you teach these delusions to your child in addition to the messages she gets from the larger society what will she think? I have seen the results. She is a four-year -old who teases another four-year-old because her shrunken natural hair doesn't show length or swing and flow. She will call her peer "bald-headed" and "ugly". She will ask with all the malice a child can muster, "Who did your hair?". She will learn she is not perfect the way she was born and will want to let her peers know too.
Knapsgirl
Knapsgirl
Monicajoi
knapsgirl.com(at)gmail.com
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4 Comments:
"I believe these women place this same pressure on their child, expecting them to look like the children on the relaxer boxes. The child doesn't have a team and in most cases not even a well informed parent. They bear your disappointment through demeaning words or caustic chemicals."
I totally agree with this. I actually heard a woman in the store blaming the child's "bad hair" for her perm damaging her hair instead of looking like the Just for Me girl. What?!
I think the reaction and the attitudes the children display reflects the training and attitudes they see at home, regardless of what is actually done to their hair. As a little girl with long, thick, straight hair (got my first perm at age 4) I noticed other girls hair was different but it wasn't something to pick on them about because my parents instilled in me that 1) looks aren't everything, and 2) everyone is different and that isn't cause for ridicule. Meanwhile, I was told that I thought I was cute because of my hair, and witnessed girls with short, kinky hair bad-mouth each other. It's not just what you do to their heads, but what you put in their heads, that affect their attitude.
This is very true! My 4 year old started preschool recently. She woke up in the morning and I detangled and moisturized her hair and put a flower in her fro. She looked in the mirror and said I look pretty! She went to school came home mad and asked me why I did her hair like that?!? She said her friend told her that her hair was ugly and didn't want to play with her... We have to teach our children to love not only themselves for who they are, but also others!
I truly agree. My daughters are 5 and 8 and both natural and I don't care how cute I made their hair look, whenever we went into the hair supply store and they saw that perm box with the girl with long hair, they would say I want my hair like that. Of course I always tell them their hair is perfect just the way it is and that straight long hair does not make you prettier. Gladly to say they are out of that stage for now, especially my oldest who loves to wear her hair in mini twists now.
One time I went into a store and a lady and her sister, I assume, were looking at kiddie texturizers and perms for her three year old, cause she said she could not do anything with her hair, she saw my girls and I and asked what I used, well I couldn't get into ALL my natural products rant but I did introduce her to Taliah Waajids products the store had and hopefully talked her out of a big mistake.
I also work at an Elementary school that is 90% black and am still amazed at how some of the parents send their girls to school and when they walk in their hair is done, I just had one of my 5th graders come crying to me yesterday because some boys were teasing her about her hair. A woman's glory is her hair saith the Bible, and it plays a big part in a girl and woman's self esteem, when you feel good about your hair you feel good about yourself.
I know i'm late but I am one that warped my 3 daughters mindet on how their hair should look. Now my babies, 10,12,13 whom once had hair so long and thick my stylist would hate to see us coming now have short (top mid neck length) hair. when one of them had nappy hair down to her waist and the others weren't too far behind her. I so hate the day I ever permed their hair. Not only for them losing their long healthy hair but for the compromisation of their self esteem. They had gotten to the point now that they feel like they don't look right without a perm! I am letting them get braids to aid in this transition back to natural and hopefully that will help build their confidence. Luckily I have blogs like yours and youtube to send them to, to see beautiful nappy heads of hair!
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