I'm natural and I've lost my swag/mojo/confidence

When people tell me they are transitioning I always say the same thing, "The transition is mental, your hair knows exactly what to do." I transitioned years ago in Atlanta, I'm told this is a natural hair mecca and an easy place to go natural. The truth is that I transitioned years earlier in Tallahassee, Florida. I have come to realize without intending I made the mental transition well before I let my hair physically transition. I researched, read blogs, looked at photos and studied styles and techniques. Many of the things I did for two to three years before my hair made any change were what allowed me to be confident with my decision.

Me with straight hair

I often hear new naturals comment with ideas I had banished before I ever braided my hair ( I transitioned with braids). I wish they had made the mental transition before the physical one. I hope they will make the mental transition soon. Making a mental transition includes abandoning some very specific ideas that life, the media and possibly your family have pretty well hammered into you:

• long hair is beautiful hair
• straight hair is beautiful hair
• frizz is the enemy (frizz is the key to a full fro or puff)
• water is the enemy
• oils moisturize
• manageable means can run a comb through easily
• manageable means can be styled quickly
• large loose curl are pretty
• small tight curls are not pretty
• big hair is ugly
• braids, twists and puffs are only for children
• short hair is masculine

No make-up, proud of my first set of mini twists

If you are feeling like men aren't attracted to you because of your hair it is because YOU are not attracted to you because of your hair. I had experiences with men making comments about my hair but most just noted my style or volume. I loved the way my hair looked so I was confident. If I had been in a different place mentally, insecure, anxious, unsure I'm sure I would have taken the comments differently. Men approach me to this day with comments about my hair because it is noticeable, noticeably beautiful.

Car Selfie

So during your transition learn 1) to care for your hair properly 2) to style enough that you can leave the house comfortably 3) to see your beauty outside your hair 4) length does not equal beauty.

I was pregnant with no make-up but my hair was cute.

I have bad hair days, I have bad hair weeks but I know it is a style thing, a weather thing, most often a lazy or lack of time thing. I know that I'm beautiful with a dusty two week old twist out pulled back. 

You don't have to like my hair, I love it enough for both of us

Monica Richards is the co-founder of Knaps and natural hair blogger and vlogger.